I thought it necessary to get a little more in-depth about some things mentioned in the last post.  When looking to work with Child Protective Services child placement, you must decide whether to foster only, adopt only, or foster-to-adopt.  At this particular meeting, the CPS worker was really pushing for foster-to-adopt.  Just to be clear, all of the above choices are right and good, but you must decide what is best for you and your family.  My husband and I decided that we were only open to adopting. 

Around this time, I had a dear friend who had three different adoptive placements fall through for various reasons.  Understandably, it took quite a toll on her and left me pretty shaken as well.  I have also had many more friends who adopted their foster kids since then, and statistically speaking this is far more likely to happen.  Just be prepared that you have to choose a route early on.  Adoption through CPS (I can only speak for the state of Texas) is always free (yay!).  In addition to this if you adopt any child over the age of 6, any African American child over the age of 2 (due to the high volume of AA children in CPS), or any child with a diagnosed physical or mental disability, the child qualifies for other financial assistance.

Another topic I mentioned in the last post was a preferences packet that we were required to fill out stating what kinds of children we were open to.  For those that do not know me, I am at times far too emotionally-driven.  I think that it is my job to single-handedly fix any problem that breaks my heart, but my follow-through is often lacking.  This is where God graciously gave me a husband to create balance.  He reminds me that sometimes we should start small before making huge life-long commitments.  I would have probably checked that I was open to any number of children, with any kind of issue, without thinking through any logistics or even bothering to pray about it.  It is not my job to be the savior of CPS, but it is my job to honor God with my time, my house, my life.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

So, Phil and I began dating and were married about 7 months after that.  When going through our pre-marital counseling, we agreed that we would wait 5-7 years before having kids to just enjoy being newlyweds.  In year 5, we started contemplating kids and decided that it might be best to adopt first.

The thought behind this was that if we adopted first, it might let the child feel as if they were an integral part of the family, rather than an add-on to an already formed family.  No one way is better, this was just our thoughts on the matter.  Also, perhaps my experience as a labor and delivery nurse made me less than eager to have kids the old-fashioned way.

Along the way, we found the website adoptuskids.org.  It is pretty strange “shopping” for kids, but I think what it did do was spark our interest.  We found a precious little boy about 9 years old on there named Ben.  Ben is a favorite name of ours, and he had dimples and glasses, so we were sold.

The first step when adopting through CPS is attending a local informational meeting, which lasts about 2 hours.  The meeting gave a brief overview of the process, and they pretty much shattered our dreams about little Ben.  The well-meaning facilitators explained that adopting out-of-state was complicated and the process takes a while, so in all likelihood he would be adopted by then.  I’m not going to lie, I did tear up a bit over the loss of this child that I had seen online and read 1 paragraph about.  He was so cute and he already had the perfect name, so it was a foregone conclusion that he was for us.  I took comfort that he was going to find the perfect family, and that God knew what was best for us. 

At the meeting, they handed us a thick packet of information, which was to be completed and submitted.  This packet asked questions like the age, gender, and race of children we were open to.  We turned in the paperwork, but things with Phil’s job were becoming more uncertain, so we put adoption on hold for about a year.

To be continued…

Let's Take It Back to the Start

As long as I can remember, adoption has been the plan.  Even though I could never really imagine being married when I was a teenager or early twenty-something, I always felt strongly about adoption.  This strong feeling was not just an, “Oh that’s so sad…someone should do something about that.  Here is $10,” feeling.  This was more like an ache deep in my soul that caused me to weep nearly every time adoption was brought up.  I was compelled to adopt and I would not be deterred. 

I run into women all the time that want to adopt, but their husbands are not on the same page.  While this saddens me, it helps me to see that before getting serious with any guy, we have to be in agreement.  We cannot be unequally yoked in our love and devotion to Jesus or adoption.  These are the non-negotiables. 

As a teen and beyond, there were not exactly guys lining up to date me.  I had more than my fair share of crushes, but those guys were always so glad that I was their, “Best friend”.  Ugh.  As if.  That was the last thing that I wanted, but I am so glad that I was spared from needless relationships.  Enter Phil.  This smart, handsome, godly man started to pursue me.  Ehh…what the heck?  Once his intentions became clearer, I felt the need to have this extremely uncomfortable, but all too important conversation: Adoption. Imagine, the first guy that has ever liked you as more than just a friend, and before we are really even dating, I ask if he is open to adoption.  Yep, I made things awkward in a hurry.  Thankfully, he said he would be open to having one biological and one adopted child, and thus began our relationship.

To be continued…. 

Adopting His Heart

Hi friends.  My name is Stephanie and this is my blog.  It is nothing new…nothing special, but it is documentation of my journey.  The blogging world fascinates me, and I have several that I follow, but never thought I had anything important enough to post to the world wide web, but some friends have told me otherwise.  So, this is my story–mostly about adoption–but also about trying to adopt the heart of Christ.  This fumbled mess of my life, my great plans and my great failures, is all with the grand plan of trying to follow Jesus.  My prayer is that you enjoy it, and that it encourages you in some small way to imitate the life of Jesus and to adopt His heart.