We've Been Chosen!

In the last blog about our journey, we found out that we were in the top three families considered to adopt H & Z.  We were ecstatic, but tried to remind ourselves that there were many steps remaining before any children would be in our home.   One afternoon in April of 2014, we received a call that would change our lives forever.  We were chosen as the top family for the kids.  Our case worker wanted to know if we were still interested, and we of course responded with an emphatic, “YES!” 

                                              

We knew very little about them, their history, or what they would need.  Their photo (a grainy black-and-white photocopy) was already posted proudly on our refrigerator.  We had been praying that they were safe and loved even before they moved into our home.  This was getting so real, and we asked all of our friends and family to pray that we would not simply get swept up in excitement, but that we would make wise decisions regarding our future family.

We were told that there was still quite a process ahead, but everything felt finalized.  We scheduled a time to meet with the kids’ caseworker.  She came by our house and told us more about the kids.  She shared how our son wanted to change his name to Tre’, but she was not sure why.  She also told us that our daughter looked up to her big brother.  He was her hero and she adored him.  We heard a bit about how they were brought into CPS custody and what they had been through in the foster system.  We hurt for our kids over the things that no kid should ever have to go through. 

The next step involved us reading their complete file.  This task may be incredibly daunting depending on how long the child or children have been in CPS custody.  Unfortunately, our kids had spent quite some time in the system in various houses, and therefore had extremely lengthy files, which were probably nearly 1,000 pages long in total.  These must be read in the CPS office in a single sitting.  My husband and I divided and conquered the stacks, and shared information that seemed pertinent.  We spoke in depth to the caseworker that had known the kids for most of the time that they were in CPS custody.  Although we could never know EVERYTHING, this was about as good as we could get.

We were then scheduled to have a conference with their current foster parents.  All that we managed to arrange was a conference call with the foster dad due to their schedules.  This conversation provided us with more insight than we realized at the time.  I would suggest writing down questions ahead of time that you feel will help you to better understand what life is like with the kids day in and day out.  At the end of all this, we were decided.  We wanted these kids to be our kids.

My husband and I were thrilled, of course, over the idea of these adorable kids coming into our family and the adventure ahead of us.  I know that I say this all the time, but this new adventure in our lives came at a tremendous cost to our kids and their bio family.  I don’t say this to put a damper on your excitement, but rather to help with future interactions with your kids.  There will most definitely be days when your kids will not feel happy to be a part of your family.  There will be days when your child will blame CPS for taking them away from their families.  There will be days when they remember their parents as nothing less than perfect.  There will be days when all they can see are your flaws.  There will be days when nothing will seem right, no matter how hard you try. 

I challenge you to remember two things in those times: your excitement at the very beginning and the long-term goal.  You are changing lives forever, and that quite the undertaking.