We were parents.  We had a son and a daughter.  Now, how in the world do we entertain these kids?  In our pre-parenting days, we were “that couple” that had it all planned out with how our kids would be different from “everyone else’s kids”.  You know, “that couple”.  “When we have kids, they will never…”.  Blah, blah, blah.  Oh to be young and idealistic.  In many ways we were incredibly naïve to the struggles and challenges of parenting.  Here are a few of the things we said we would never do, but at some point or another did.  Sorry, not sorry.

1.    Let TV babysit our kids

Now this was definitely not an all-the-time thing, but it did happen more than I ever thought it would.  We tried our best to restrict TV at our house to one hour a day in the summer, but being in grad school I needed a little peace and quiet. And, unfortunately, educational programs would not always get the job done.   Sometimes, you just need a little Alvin and the Chipmunks to so you can power through a discussion post. 

2.    Yell at our children

I came from a family of yellers.  We were passionate folks, but I always envisioned a peaceful home where kids were disciplined and calm mannered.  Think Full House. I wanted to sit my children down and explain to them rationally why what they were doing was wrong, but sometimes kids need to know that their parents can lose it a bit.  Something about hearing a generally mild-mannered parent lose it every now and then can act like a reset button for an unruly child.  

3.    Use sweets to bribe my kids

Don’t judge me.  We really are pretty restrictive about sweets in our house.  Sometimes you need to get things done in your household, and you don’t have the energy to negotiate with a pint-sized tyrant. The promise of dessert can motivate in ways that my words will never be able to.

Hopefully, this makes you feel better.  We are all just trying our best, but no one is perfect.  There were, however, a few things I feel that we did well, and I want to share those too.  Adoption, and parenting for that matter, is tough work, so we should celebrate the small victories.

1.    Hung out with our friends with kids

We began this very early on, and I think it made the transition much easier. There is something about throwing kids on some floats as you soak in a pool that makes all well in the world.  Our kids had left behind all the friends they had known, but now they were learning that they had many new friends who were thrilled to get to know them.

2.    Found things the kids loved and embraced them

My kids love animals.  The zoo became our best friend.  I think that first summer we went there about 5 times.  A membership was one of the best gifts we have ever received.

3.    Got our kids involved with service activities

We brought our kids along when our church did service activities, and I am so glad they went.  They were able to hang out and do a work project alongside at-risk teen boys and serve meals to the homeless.  The kids loved it and we loved watching them show love to others.  So sweet.

Those first few months were a blur of excitement, chaos, and pop-in visits from caseworkers.  We were trying to figure this whole family thing out, and thankfully we have a gracious heavenly Father who provided us with an amazing support network.

Move In Day

June 13^th was a day that was unlike any other.  In many ways, I felt like a kid at Christmas.  I was unable to sleep the night before.  I am typically not a morning person, but I was up early finishing last minute tidying up around the house.  Looking back, I think it is hilarious how much I cleaned for two kids to move in.  In the words of my son, “A boy’s room is supposed to be messy…that’s just the way life works”. 

Any way, back to our story.  I drove out to pick up the kids from their foster parents one last time.  This was their fifth move in their short lives, so this part was unfortunately familiar to them.  Their foster dad had their stuff loaded in our vehicle in a matter of minutes.  All of their belongings fit into about 4 garbage bags, which is actually much more than most foster kids have. 

I picked them up alone so that my husband and father-in-law could assemble a basketball goal for my son to play with.  As I made the 20 minute drive, reality began to set in for me, but I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through the kids’ minds.  As I mentioned before, moving was familiar territory, but a forever home was something they had never experienced before. 

We began unloading, sorting belongings out and decorating their rooms.  There was tremendous excitement.  All of a sudden, Z began to tear up as she realized how much she missed her foster parents.  It started to sink in.  This was forever.  As exciting as it was, everything was new.  New house rules.  New Parents.  New friends.  New EVERYTHING. 

Reality was setting in for me, too.  I began to see how bittersweet this really was for these beautiful children.  Sure, it was great that they were now in their forever home after years of “being in the system”, but they were with strangers.  It’s memories like this that flood over me every time a well-intentioned friend tells me how “lucky” these kids are to be with us.  “Lucky” would probably be the last word that they would choose to describe this new living situation.

Even with all of these mixed emotions, it was still a pretty amazing day. Our house was a little less quiet and a little bit messier.  Our schedules were fuller and our budget was tighter.  But, our lives were incredibly blessed.