I love Pinterest… and I hate Pinterest at the same time.  Growing up, a birthday party might entail a group trip to Chuck E Cheese if I was lucky, but usually was nothing more than a cake and a sleepover with a few friends.  Somewhere between my childhood and present day, birthdays transformed into a magical, stressful production.  One of my dearest friends always does the most amazing parties for her kids and she loves it all.  She has boundless creativity and birthdays are where she really shines. 

I don’t write this to be critical of birthday productions, but just to show my state of mind surrounding D’s first birthday in our home. 

I love parties and Pinterest, and I wanted his party to be perfect.  We planned for weeks and invited tons of people.  All the details were taken care of, and I was ready to sit back and enjoy the party. 

Everyone was having a good time, and then it was time for presents… and there were tons of them.  I was excited for D to see how much the people around him cared about him.

He opened the first one (an awesome Lego set from a family member), gave a half-smile, then moved on to the next gift.  WHAT!?  I wanted to scream!  Where was the gratitude… the excitement… the emotion?  I nudged him and told him to say thank you, which he did.  Whew! Crisis averted. 

Next gift.  A wrestling figurine.  Same response!  These were two of his favorite types of toys… things that he had been begging us for.  I knew he wanted them, so why was he so dissatisfied?  We kept prompting him to express gratitude after EVERY SINGLE GIFT. 

Nothing in my CPS classes or books that I had read prepared me for this moment.  I replayed the whole scenario and began to get some insight.  I once read a blog by Jen Hatmaker where she talked about how big days were often too much for her little one.  I wasn’t thinking about how important days remind you of family and other special days.  Each birthday and major holiday brought back memories of previous ones… ones with his biological parents.  It reminded him of who was missing this special day.

It was all coming together.  He was being flooded with memories of his bio parents and it was putting a serious damper on the whole party business.  We made it through the party and came up with a new plan for future birthdays.  Big parties were done… at least for now.  We decided that it would be best to go to an event like a concert or sporting event with family and maybe 1 or 2 friends rather than have a party.  This cuts down on the gifts, but is easier for everyone.  And so far, it has worked. 

I get weird looks when I tell people that we aren’t doing a traditional birthday party… but at this point I am pretty used to weird looks.  Celebrating this day is not about my picture of what a perfect birthday should look like.  It is about giving my kid an extra special day, but most importantly reminding them that we are there for them, no matter what.

Name Changes

When my husband and I started planning on adopting, we had always envisioned changing their names.  Then, once we knew we were adopting older children, we figured that the kids would be pretty settled with their names and be opposed to changes.  Boy, were we wrong. 

Our son was 10-years-old at the time of adoption and he was set on creating a new identity for himself.  I think at that age, I would have probably wanted to change my name as well.  It is around that age that most kids think their name is not cool enough.  For whatever reason, he wanted to change his name and we were thankful that he wanted a fresh start.

See, our son was a junior.  Well, technically he was a sixth.  Crazy, right?  But every time that he said or wrote his name, it was a reminder of his bio dad that was not a part of his life.

Thus began the deliberation over his new name.  Despite our desires for him to pick a name based on meaning, he simply wanted one that seemed cool.  So, he contemplated Jaden (after Jaden Smith, of course) and various names of wrestlers.  We vetoed a few and then finally came to a consensus with Daniel. 

Daniel is a nice name with biblical significance.  You see, Daniel was pulled away from his family and forced into a new life.  Daniel could have chosen to be bitter about this upheaval of his life, but rather chose to serve the Lord and be a mighty man of faith.  Daniel knew that God was His true judge, and He needed to live his life accordingly.  He trusted God and saw him do miraculous things in his life. 

This was our prayer for our son.  His story was far from ideal, but it could become extraordinary.  Our son was uprooted from his family, which at first seems horrible.  But, God had plans for our son.  Plans to place him in a family where he is surrounded by people of faith, who pray fervently for him and encourage him.  We fail continuously as parents, but we are thankful for the faith community that surrounds our kids, and even more so, for our gracious heavenly Father.