If you have been watching the Olympics (who hasn’t, really?)
then you know about the one and only Simone Biles. This girl is nothing short of amazing. She is flawlessly nailing passes that other
Olympic athletes won’t even attempt. It
makes my Houstonian heart proud to watch her slay these Olympic games.
I am however a bit perturbed when I see so much focus going
to her early childhood, to her biological mother who was a “drug addict” that
“abandoned” her to her grandparents, which graciously took her in. What annoys me is that this is not the
narrative that she wants told. She had a
rough start, but she has parents that love her unconditionally and helped her
to achieve this nearly impossible goal.
That’s her story. She worked her
butt off, had amazing support and now she’s killing it.
I’m sure Simone is not ashamed of her roots, but an
unconventional childhood should not allow the media to exploit her story for
the sake of ratings. Most certainly her
story would not be one of a vilified birth mother, saintly adoptive parents and
poor, helpless kids caught in the mix.
Lord knows adoptive parents have just as many flaws and neurosis as
their biological counterparts, and her mother is more than simply a drug addict.
Our culture has a weird fascination with adoption. We think it is our right to know ALL the
details behind an adoption, and that is simply not the case. Reliving the trauma that led up to the separation
from one’s biological parents may be too difficult for some adoptees.
This is not another blog that is simply meant to shame the
reader into sensitivity. Rather, my hope
is to open your eyes to what adoption really looks like and how you can be a
part of changing the lives of one or more kids forever. I would love to see people moved from pity to
mercy.
This morning I asked my kids what they wanted people to know
about adoption. My 7-year-old daughter
said, “That it’s good, and that I love my parents”. My 12-year-old son said, “People should
adopt, because without adoption kids go without love and eventually become
homeless”.
Adoption is simple.
It is about being moved to love and provide for a child. Adoptive parents are not superheroes. We are regular people who couldn’t bear the
thought of a child being without love.
Parenting in general is hard, and dealing with the extra
baggage of a complicated past makes it even more so, but know that there is
help. Our kids go to counseling 1-2
times per month to help deal with the wounds of their past. Our family and friends “lean in” and help us
tremendously, because it truly does take a village.
The tough spots are worth it, though. When I see my son excelling in sports, I think
of how exciting it is to see how far they have come. When I see my daughter pray for hurting
people to be healed by God, I am reminded of how fortunate we are to be their
parents. Adopting has changed my
perspective and world view and helped to open the eyes of our circle of
influence.
So, in summation, please be sensitive when asking adopted
kids/adults about their history.
Curiosity does not entitle you to know the details of someone’s
past. But, even more importantly, don’t
just pity this situation: consider how you can show mercy and change
lives. Be open to fostering and
adoption. Move from being a bystander to
being a part of the action. This is an
adventure that will change many lives forever.
If you have any questions about the adoption/fostering journey,
please send me a message. I do not have
all the answers, but I can hopefully point you to helpful resources. Thanks for reading.
